Letter From My Birth Mother

Have you ever wondered what a rape victim might want to express to her child who was conceived in rape?  This is the letter my birthmother sent me just after our first phone conversation when I was 19.
—Rebecca Kiessling

My Dearest Rebecca,

Hoping by now that the shock of finding out all the details of your birth is forgotten.  For that was not reason enough of having to give something up as beautiful as you were.  Nothing as precious as a baby.  Mostly when you carry one nine months and you go through the birth feeling no one loves you, but you were so perfect and pretty.  All these years I had nothing of you, no picture, nothing even saying you were part of me.  Just the memory of carrying a baby that I hoped one day would try to find her real mother as I wanted to know my baby.  I always loved you in my heart.  You were always with me in my thoughts, mostly in July.
. . . .
It seems like a lifetime I know.  When I was sick two years ago I thought I would never get to know my little girl.
. . . .     
Would you please see if you could get me a copy of the letter you sent to the Oakland County Judge?  It made me cry.  Also I would like copies of your poems.  These are things I would like to read.
. . . .
Its been a long three weeks.  Looking forward to our meeting.  I didn’t know how to express my inner feelings.  IT’S SO GREAT—BIG BEAUTIFUL—ITS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM.  I AM SO HAPPY I AM CRYING.

      A love that ate at me
      for nineteen years,
      my daughter at last.

      With love,
      your Mom,
      Joann

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