Letter to My Babies

I come to you with a heavy heart
the three children that I lost.
A moment in which I didn’t reason
Thoughtless of the lives that I tossed.

Two of my sweet babies are gone.
Done away with by my own hand.
The third my Lord took from me,
in accordance to what he has planned.

Words cannot begin to explain
the years of anguish I’ve had.
Regret is a deep and damaging pain
I can’t recall when I haven’t been sad.

It’s painful for me to think about you.
A selfishness on my part.
Because still, after all of this time,
I mourn you with a broken heart.

Yet here I am for the first time
venturing into the unknown.
Reaching out to you for forgiveness,
and to heal my heart of stone.

Allowing myself to wonder
about who you might have been.
Setting my imagination free
and hope washing away my sin.

Would you have been the sweet big sisters
that my daughter so desperately needs?
Or maybe the strong big brother
to instill in my son, moral seeds.

I’m sorry you never rode a bike
or went on your first real date.
I’m sorry I’ve never held you tight,
or didn’t let you decide your own fate.

Please understand that I love you,
and I miss you tremendously.
But it’s time for me to let you go,
in order to finally be free
of my guilt and shame and horror
so I can help others like me.

Shelley Allsup

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 10/20 at 12:34 AM
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